Top 10 Hilariously Hilly Ways US State Topographic Maps Keep You on Edge

Ever tried navigating a grocery store and felt like you were in a video game? Topographic maps of the US states make the same thing happen on a grander scale—just with more peaks, valleys, and the occasional mountain of donuts. Below, we break down ten of the funniest ways these maps can keep your sense of adventure (and sanity) in check.

1. The Great “Mount Everest” of Colorado

Colorado’s topographic map is like a cheat sheet for aspiring mountaineers. The famous “Mount Everest” of the Rockies, Mount Elbert, sits at 14,440 feet, which is 14,000 more than the actual Mt. Everest! If you think you’re climbing a modest hill, you’re probably looking at a contour line that screams, “I’m a mountain, not a hill.”

2. New Mexico’s “Hills Are Just Mountains in Disguise” Parade

New Mexico’s map is a masterclass in disguise. A “hill” in the map could be a mountain in real life, depending on who’s looking. One contour line that looks like a lazy dip might actually hide the “Sierra de San Pedro” mountain range, so you might find yourself hiking a “hill” for 6 hours and ending up on a summit that feels like a personal vacation spot.

3. The “Pyramid of Doom” in Illinois

Illinois isn’t known for dramatic landscapes, but the topographic map of the state reveals a small hill that looks suspiciously like a pyramid. Don’t let the pyramidal shape fool you—there’s no actual pyramid, but you might find a small hill that could easily be mistaken for a lost Egyptian tomb if you’re not paying attention.

4. The “Salsa-Spinning” of Texas

Texas is big, and the map reflects that. The topographic map shows a large, rolling “salsa” of hills that could cause your GPS to spin. If you’re not careful, you may end up in a cornfield at 2,000 feet while you were expecting a flat prairie—just don’t blame the map for the confusion, it’s just the way the land rolls.

5. “The Great Wall of the West” in Wyoming

Wyoming’s topographic map features a long, low wall-like formation that looks suspiciously like a giant’s fence. It’s not a real wall, but if you’re not paying attention, you might think you’re crossing the “Great Wall of the West” while actually just walking along a long, flat ridge. Don’t try to take a selfie with the “wall”—it’s just a line on the map.

6. The “Mini-Grand Canyon” of Arizona

Arizona’s topographic map shows a mini version of the famous Grand Canyon. It may not be as big, but it still has a lot of elevation changes that will keep you on your toes. If you’re looking for a small canyon that will keep you on the edge, look no further.

7. The “Ridge of the Rising Sun” in New Jersey

New Jersey’s topographic map features a ridge that looks suspiciously like a sun rising over a mountain range. It’s not an actual ridge, but it’s a good spot for a sunset. If you’re not careful, you may end up hiking a “ridge” that looks like a sun, but it’s just a line on the map.

8. The “Hidden Valley” in Utah

Utah’s topographic map features a valley that looks suspiciously like a hidden treasure. It’s not a real valley, but it’s a good spot for a hike. If you’re looking for a hidden valley that will keep you on the edge, look no further.

9. The “Mountain of the Gods” in Nevada

Neva’s topographic map features a mountain that looks suspiciously like a god. It’s not an actual mountain, but it’s a good spot for a hike. If you’re looking for a mountain that will keep you on the edge, look no further.

10. The “Pyramid of the Sea” in Florida

Florida’s topographic map features a pyramid that looks suspiciously like a sea. It’s not a real pyramid, but it’s a good spot for a hike. If you’re looking for a pyramid that will keep you on the edge, look no further.

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